Day 120: Karting Grand Prix (Amiga)

Going in completely blind for today's title from my 524 game backlog - I'm playing one every day while furloughed from work...

Karting Grand Prix for the Amiga
Previous days' entries can be read HERE.

I'm never quite sure of the exact correct use of the word 'Ironic'. I tend to know when something definitely isn't ironic, like every example given in the Alanis Morisette song 'Ironic' for example... but if that was intentional, would me making that point now actually be ironic? Like I say, I'm never sure.

I am pretty sure though, that hunting down and loading a keyboard test program for your Amiga 600, only to find that you can't run the program because your keyboard doesn't work, is at least in the irony neighbourhood.

This was before Karting Grand Prix. My automated random game chooser, Selectron™, had given me 'Infestation' to play today, and I was in the course of failing to make anything happen while playing that, when I figured there must be something wrong with the internal gubbins.

Thirty quid later there's a new membrane on the way from sell-my-retro and, since I was fired up for some Amiga action, I choose the next game for it (alphabetically) that I hadn't played yet.

Luckily playing Karting Grand Prix doesn't require the keyboard. What it does require, however, is the patience of a saint.

I fell in love with top down racers playing Super Sprint in Thurston's arcade, back in Bedford. There were two main reasons for this: I loved the feel of the 'spinner' style steering wheel, it was the perfect fit for the slidey handling of the cars, and, when everything else was a pound a credit, Super Sprint was 20p.

When 'Turtles in Time' has scarfed down most of your money faster than Donatello with a slice of Hawaiian, it's was always good to have a back up to kill time so that your mum doesn't ask why you're home 'from school' early.

So, as you might expect, I was a little excited when the game started up and presented me with a choice of eight circuits displayed from an overhead view.

As well as the track you can also choose your tires, the 'sprocket' type, the weather, and the difficulty. This is all pretty intriguing, but when the race starts none of it seems to mean anything.

I've tried every combination of set-ups and settings and have yet to determine any difference in any of them, and that isn't even the worst problem with this game.

The lack of a series, or championship mode isn't the worst thing about the game either, but it's absence is a pretty big deal for a racing game. Also not the worst is the fact that each race lasts about 45 seconds, not long enough to rectify a mistake or learn a racing line.

The reason neither of these, pretty big, problems aren't the worst thing Karting Grand Prix throws at you is because the controls are so utterly abject that you'll be glad the races are over in flash, and delighted that there isn't another race in a championship to worry about. This games default, un-remappable, controls are so unforgivably bad that you won't play long enough for any of the other issues to properly manifest.

Mapping accelerate to 'Up' on a joy pad/stick is pretty bad for any driving game, but when the steering controls are as 'rotational' as they are for a top-down racer it's completely unforgivable. To make matters worse, brake is mapped to the fire button, so it's not like the developer forgot it was there. 

This set up makes it incredibly hard to control the cars, cars that are already on incredibly narrow tracks that are lined with invisible obstacles that bring you to an instant halt. In short, it's a hellish manifestation of the anti-fun.

Going into a game completely blind usually nullifies any chance of disappointment, but here is a game that manages to make, and then break, several promises in the course of two screens of content. It would be impressive if it wasn't so mind meltingly infuriating.

Karting Grand Prix - An exercise in not making good on your own promises, avoid.